Friday, January 27, 2006

Airhead America Radio Secrets Revealed:

"Turning good news into bad news into good news and vice-versa"

Confused? Good, that is the first step in our 12 step program. “Disorientation”.

Next, check out the following headline news stories, and answer the question-

“Good News or Bad News”?

The Dow Jones/Stock Market has recovered to all-time highs.

The U.S.Economy is growing at the fastest rates ever.

U.S. Job growth continues to climb at fastest rates ever.

Iraq becomes a new young democracy (free elections and all).

Afganistan is a new young democracy (women running for office, girls in school and all)

U.S. military is capturing and killing major al Qaeda operatives on a daily basis while not allowing an attack on U.S. soil since 9/11/2001.

If you said “Good News” to any of these stories, think again.

Perhaps to the untrained and uneducated eye, (remember I am a “professional” journalist- “with jokes”) the above stories might seem like good news, but not so fast there sparky.

(This is where the “Truth with Jokes” part comes in to play)

The above News stories are all basically horribly bad news for liberals and Democrats alike. Here are the sordid details of how we here at Airhead America Radio turn bad news into good news for the Democrat party every day, and how YOU help us do it.

It’s not really a secret that we simply cherry-pick (see "Picking Cherries" article) our own version of the news and proclaim- Here is the “real news”, what we call the “truth with jokes” …and the “joke” part is how we use it on people like you to try and get Bush un-elected and Democrats elected.

Yes, the real joke is on all you loyal fans of my show/blog that believe anything/everything I say as truth. Pretty funny huh?

Anyway, here are the official Airhead America “truth”(with jokes) responses to the above headline News stories.

The U.S. Economy? It is Horrible: Bush Lied us into an illegal war so of course the economy is bad. People are starving. No one can get a job. Big business is evil. Walmart is evil, capitalism is bad, profit is bad. Our plan is simple: “Tax the rich, feed the poor, till there are no rich no more.” (1970 Alvin Lee- Ten Years After: I’d Love to Change the World, but I don’t know what to do.)
It’s because of the “Bush tax cuts for the rich” (and the illegal war), that we are in this mess, so don’t ask us how to fix it.

Iraq war is Illegal: Bush lied us into war. The U.S is losing the war. Iraq is Vietnam. Our plan is “simple”: We must get out of Iraq now, well actually not now, but sooner than Bush wants to, unless that is too soon, and in that case right after Bush does it, whichever comes first. We support the troops while undermining their efforts at all times.

We here at Airhead America Radio and the Stu Smalley Show proudly post a daily count of the number of U.S. forces killed in Iraq and we are always seeking any news of new deaths to use against Bush/Republicans (while claiming we are supporting the troops).

We scour the tabloids to find any claims of abuse or dirt on the U.S. military (no matter the source) and blame Bush. We always say we are supporting the troops to cover ourselves.

We have turned Haliburton into a four letter word with false accusations of corruption and cronyism and we can do it to Bush. (Example: “bush” is a 4-letter word)

I even had the nerve to go to Iraq and Afganistan to “entertain” the troops. Boy was it hard to keep a straight face. The joke is on them too, though. Get it? …Gotcha’!

We constantly discredit the democracy in Iraq and claim instead that a Civil War is going on and that a democracy can’t possibly work there even as free elections are being held.

When we claim that the U.S. has made Iraq a “haven for terrorists”, that there weren’t any terrorists in Iraq before we got there. It’s a joke, get it? Gotcha’ again.

We ask, “Where is Bin Laden and why isn’t Bush looking for him”, to avoid answering any/all question(s) about what Democrats would do in Iraq or on the war on Terror. We use the “Tora-Bora- Bush let Bin Laden get away” story for backup if the “where’s Bin Laden” shtick doesn’t work.

We support the military- “…and you KNOW what I’m talking about”.

Why does any of this stuff actually work? -Politics baby- good old politics.

Bad news for America is good news for Airhead America and Democrats- politically.

Good news that I turn into bad news is then good news for Democrats. You accept it because it suits your interests or you to "fit in" with my crowd. You know about 60% of what I say is crap but don’t challenge it for a second.

You and I both know the only way we are going to get a Democrat elected to office is to get Bush and Republicans un-elected from office.

We can’t debate Republicans on the issues because our view doesn’t agree with the majority of voters. So all we are left with is nothing but smear tactics and lies.

“If all you have is lemons, make lemonade”.

We get away with it “Because liberals are gullible enough, Democrats are partisan enough and gosh darn-it if you believe me, you think movie-stars will like you”.


*From my new book “I am a Lying Liar, with Lies and Lame Jokes”, on sale now.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Picking Cherries for my Apple Pie

The really cool part of my "job" is that I get to cherrypick information while overlooking facts every single day to prove my point that Bush cherrypicked information to go to war. That is what makes him a liar and me a journalist. I love this country, apple pie and hotdogs.

I was actually for the war, everyone knows that. I believed Colin Powell.
But, getting Bush "*un-selected" is more important than the truth.
I love this country and that's why I point out every day just how corrupt and evil it (Bush) is.

*After all of the recounts by newspapers and universites, we all know that Bush actually won the election in 2000. The only way Gore could have won was to count votes (undervotes) in Florida that no one could possibly count.
But, in spite of that I still claim that Gore won the election in 2000 (if you count the undervotes as gore votes) and even though it sounds totally insane, the funny part is that some people still believe it.
I love this country.

I can contend that "Bush lied about ties between al Qaeda and Iraq" while ignoring several reports like this one just released today.
Classic cherrypicking at it's best, if I do say so myself.

In my new book "More Lies Without Jokes" I detail exactly how I manipulate news and facts every day to confuse people and generate support for the Democrat party.
Hey, since Democrats cannot discuss issues that Americans don't agree with them on, all that is left is to smear the President on a daily basis. That is what I do best.
Of course I throw in a few classic jokes along the way like these lap slappers.

"Bush recently used wiretaps without a court order and listened to 30 known al Quada members calls to the U.S.
"So, Bush is a criminal and should be impeached for it."
and this one...
"Those al Quada people have a right to call anyone they want without the U.S. government listening".
or my favorite,
"If Bill Clinton would have still been President, he would have listened in on call's before September 11, 2001, and he would have prevented the attacks from happening and been our hero instead of a criminal".

Because I am looney enough, liberal enough and gosh darn it, I love this country!

Visiting the illegal/immoral battle field to support the troops:
I also get to go over and perform for the U.S. troops in Iraq and Afganistan which is a bit strange considering how much I talk about them torturing people and killing innocent women and children and fighting an illegal and immoral war behind their backs and then claim I support them when I am in front of them.

Al Quada has asked me to come and entertain their troops and I told them, "gosh darnit" all they have to do is listen to my radio show or buy my books!

I love this country, apple pie, hotdogs and 4th of July.


Thursday, January 05, 2006

Letterman KO's O'Reilly and Mining Accident is Bush's Fault

In case you missed Bill O'Reilly's appearance on Late Night with David Letterman, Dave out-debated conservative America's posterboy with incredibly smart retort's such as

LETTERMAN: "I'm not smart enough to debate your point"...

After charging that "he didn't think O'Reilly represented a fair point of view on his show",
Letterman then admitted he "had never even seen or heard O'Reilly's show". (The number 1 rated cable news show in the U.S.)
LETTERMAN: "I'm not smart enough to debate..."

"...but I have the feeling -- I have the feeling -- I have the feeling about 60 percent of what you say is crap. But I don't know that for a fact". (Since he had never seen or heard anything O'Reilly had said before.)

Letterman also proved he is totally out of touch with those Americans who believe there is an effort to remove Christmas and God from the public square by saying he thinks people like O'Reilly are "making it up".
LETTERMAN: "I'm not smart enough to debate".

Way to go Dave,
You are funny enough, un-informed enough and gosh darn it, liberals "like" you.

UPDATE: The winner of our "NEXT BIG LIE" contest is the Democrat party and MSM for the 8th year in a row. Are you ready? The Bush administration cut funding for mining safety and therefore the mining accident is Bush's fault. Watch for this story to break-out later this week and beyond in the main stream media.